Worth the wait.

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The more I delve into the adoption process, the more I realize I don't know.

Did you know that you have to be 30 years old to adopt from China?
Did you know that you have to be married for 10 years to adopt from Haiti?
Did you know that not all adoption agencies work with all countries... you have to base your choice of an agency on your choice of country?
Did you know there are an estimated 160 million orphans in the world?

I vaguely knew these things, but the more I read the more I realize... I have so much to learn.

Through research and prayer over the last couple weeks, we've decided to pursue an adoption from Vietnam. The only problem is... adoptions are currently closed in Vietnam. However, we feel so strongly about it (for several reasons that I'll share another time) that we are willing to wait. We've been encouraged by several sources that believe it will open back up for adoption this summer (it's been closed for about 3 years). Then we'd be able to at least begin the process over the summer.

Until then, we wait. I try to wait patiently, though I'd love to go ahead and at least begin the paperwork. But because it's still a closed country, agencies are not ethically able to accept even a formal application.

So if you think to pray, please pray that Vietnam gets all its ducks in a row legally speaking and is able to be approved once again for intercountry adoptions. Pray for patience for us and the many, many other families who are waiting. And pray for the thousands of baby boys and girls who wait even more patiently for their forever families.

Sewing night recap.

Sewing night #3 was our smoothest sewing night yet... practice makes perfect, I guess? It was probably our simplest project, which definitely helped - and we had so much fun! I love getting to open my home, pull out the fabric, and spend time with all these pretty ladies. This time, we had the privilege of being sponsored by Stephanie of Infinite Life Fitness. Thank you, Stephanie!

The guest of honor? My sister! She flew in all the way from Ohio to come!! :)

Our next sewing night will be Saturday, March 24. Mark your calendars!

DIY: State Onesies

This is the easiest project for an upcoming baby shower... and if you're like me, you have so many friends who have babies on the way. I love how this turned out and it couldn't be easier!

Supplies: 
Fabric scrap
Printout of your favorite state
Baby onesie
Fusible interfacing (I used this)

Steps: 
1. Make a fabric sandwich: Put your favorite state paper printout on top, your fabric in the middle, and the fusible interfacing on the bottom. 
2. Cut through all 3 layers, and before you let the bottom two layers separate, iron the interfacing onto the fabric using the instructions on the bag.
3. Place your fabric state on the onesie and iron on.
4. Stitch around the edges. That's it! 

Charis girl.

I have a new favorite picture of my niece.

Ok, maybe I have a few new favorite pictures of her.

Because when she's around, I just can't help it. 

I'm sure she is growing up thinking I have a camera attached to my head. Oh well.

I could stare at her all day long.
She is delicious.
Today she brought the phone to her mama and pointed to my picture and said "Whiiih" as if to ask, "Call Whit?" We chatted I asked her to make lots of animal sounds and I heard her point to Shawn in a picture and call him "Yawn." Melt me.
Having a niece makes my world a better place.

Whitney.

I love Whitney Houston.
I love The Preacher's Wife.
I love that it was Whitney's voice singing "I Believe in You and Me" at Rockefeller Center when we got engaged. (Shawn had chosen the song because it's one of my all-time favorites and as soon as I heard the intro, I cried.)
I'm so sad that she wasted away in front of a watching world.
I'm so sad that she's gone.

Whenever people ask, "Are you named after Whitney Houston?" (which is somewhat often... you other Whitney's probably know what I mean...) I say, "No. But my mom got to meet her!"

It was 1988, and my mom and her group were opening for Bebe and Cece Winans. Whitney was good friends with the Winans and loved their music, and would show up to concerts and sing backup for them. Can you even imagine?! Whitney Houston singing backup?? Often, until a few songs into the concert until she was introduced, no one even noticed her. Amazing.

So at this concert in LA, Mom was backstage with a big group of people and a little boy came up to her and started playing. A woman nearby approached her and asked, "Is he bothering you?" And they struck up a 5-minute conversation about kids. My mom was thinking, "She looks so much like Whitney Houston," but had no idea that Whitney would sometimes show up for concerts. Little did she know it WAS Whitney Houston. Pretty cool. :)

I really think Whitney is with the Lord. I think she really, really struggled (obviously). But I think her upbringing and affinity for the church, her love for Gospel music, the Christians in her life... I really believe she knows Jesus.

If you have 5 minutes, you have to watch this video. Whitney at her best... and the song. Oh, the song!

The best birthday gift. Ever.

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This year for my birthday, I asked Shawn for one thing: to begin the process of adopting a child.

A big part of my heart is - and always has been - for adoption. Since I was a little girl, I knew that God had clearly called me to two things: to adopt, and to be a missionary. I also knew that because those were the two callings on my life, if I was to have a husband, he would be committed to those things too. (God has quite the sense of humor, knowing all along that I would marry a man who'd already spent his entire life on the mission field.)

So I know a really common question may be: "Can you not have kids?"
And our answer is: We don't know. We haven't tried.

We do want biological kids, if that's what God has for us. But to be honest, I've never been one who has dreamed of being pregnant or can't wait to have a newborn. I wasn't even set on having my own biological kids until Shawn entered the picture. But I've definitely dreamed of bringing babies home from other countries (literally... I've had dreams about it). And I've dreamed of having a colorful family that looks a little like the United Nations. And even now, I can't talk about adoption without getting teary. It's just so precious to me, and there's no clearer picture of God's grace: He adopted us as part of His family and gave us every right and privilege that comes with being His child and heir. How incredible! If nothing else, I know that Shawn will sense a deeper love that the Father has for us through this adoption process. I know it can be a painful, trying journey, but I also know it will be so worth it.

While we had always thought of having biological kids first, God has really put on my heart recently that if adoption is Plan A for us (just as having biological kids is also Plan A, if that's possible), then why not trust Him with the timing? I think it speaks loudly to our adopted child that we chose him/her as a first choice, and not as an afterthought.

So on the evening of my birthday, I filled out a preliminary application to an international adoption agency that we are looking into working with. We know so few details right now, but I wanted to let you know this little bit of news because I am just too excited not to! This blog may look a little different in the coming months as we share bits and piece of adoption news, but knowing you like I do, I don't think you'll mind too much.

We know this is such a giant step of faith. But we also trust that it's so close to God's heart that He will surely guide us along.

Sweet girls.

During our first year of marriage while we lived in Chicago, I got to be this little cutie's full-time nanny.

 

When we moved, my dear friend Kirra took over the job and has been with her - and now her little sister - for the last two and a half years. This little girl has grown into a big girl and I can hardly believe it.

It had been such a long time since I'd seen her, and I loved seeing her as a little person with so much personality! Interestingly enough, instead of being shy around me, she climbed into my lap and just started hugging me and saying, "I love you so much!" with a huuuuge smile on her face. Kirra said she never really acts like that, and it made us wonder, does she remember me? Is it my voice? My smell? I really think she must have... and it melted my heart. Kirra has done such an amazing job as their nanny, and it's obvious how they adore her. It's obvious, too, in how they're learning so much from her... and I know she's probably learned quite a bit from juggling two. Wow. What a sweet time!

But God.

Source

I experienced God today.

Over the last three years, I've struggled with the fear of flying. Really struggled. But before I get to that, I thought I'd recount a little of my flying history... the major events, at least:

The 1986 version of Whitney flew to Germany as a 6-month-old baby. She felt no fear. (Ok, ok... that doesn't count.)

2002 Whitney flew in a 5-seater Cessna through a thunderstorm from southern Texas into rural Mexico. This flight was epic. We thought it would last an hour or so, but it was double that time because of the horrible weather. I sat in the co-pilot seat, and my mom, sister, and a friend were crammed with our luggage in the back. It was a total relief once we landed, but more because we were nauseous from being thrown about in the skies than anything else.

2007 Whitney flew non-stop from Chicago to Tokyo, a very long 13 hours where we even passed over the Bering Strait. No problems on this flight at all, and it felt like quite the adventure.

2009 Whitney flew a very routine flight from Nashville to Chicago - one she had flown many times - that was very turbulent and brought about her first full-blown panic attack. You can read about that here. The pilot said we were experiencing "challenging skies," which did me in. From then on, my eyes were opened to the fear of flying. I'd never fear it before, even a little bit. I didn't even fear flying when I probably should've been afraid, like the Cessna trip into Mexico.

From April 2009 on, every flight was dreaded. Every flight was an event. On every flight, you could find me in a window seat near the front of the plane, wide eyes glued to the window at every tiny bump, tightening my seatbelt and gripping my armrests with clammy palms. It sounds pathetic, but it was reality. I usually kept my Bible open on my lap and prayed through a psalm when my heart began to race. And by the time we landed and I could finally breathe, I felt utterly drained.

I tried so many things to get over this fear.
I tried researching what turbulence really is.
I tried envisioning God carrying the plane along with his own strong hands.
I tried praying.
I still felt like a mess.

Until this week.

On Tuesday evening, I flew by myself to Chicago - and just flew back this morning. On our way to the airport, my Mom asked me to pray aloud about the flight. I prayed, just like I had for the past 3 years. But for whatever reason, God chose to make this time different. This time, I calmly boarded the plane, opened a book, and only glanced out the window a couple times.

On today's flight, the last 30 minutes were very bumpy, and you would have normally found me in a cold sweat as all I could see was the pure white cloud cover as we traversed through it. But today, those same bumps lulled me to sleep. TO SLEEP! I can't emphasize the contrast enough. To those of you who have never feared flying, this all may seem a little dramatic. But to those who have feared flying or have feared anything so deeply, you understand this experience for what it really is: a miracle.

Have you ever noticed how often in Scripture the phrase, "but God" exists? It's all over the place.

"The wicked go down to the realm of the dead... but God will never forget the needy." (Psalm 9:17-18)
"Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands." (1 Samuel 23:14)
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)
"But, because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions." (Ephesians 2:4-5)

This God of mine is a God of contrast, of redemption. He is so "other," characterized by these verses that tell us that the situation was going poorly - Saul searching to kill David, our failing flesh, being dead in our own sin - and he comes along and radically changes the whole story.

But God.

How thankful I am to have entered a new season of travel, one that I'm not sure I ever believed would come. But God surely did. Oh, how He did.

DIY kitchen towels.

Last week, my friend Kate came over and we sewed and talked. And sewed and talked. Doing anything creative is our favorite thing to do together, but it's rare that we have the time cut out for it.

Kate brought bags of kitchen towels that she had found for $1.49 per pack, unopened from Goodwill and Ross. We both agreed that while the flour sack dish towels are prettier, they're definitely not as practical (I can't figure out how they dry anything). So barmop towels it was.

While this isn't much of a DIY how-to post, what we did was cut out long strips of 3" wide fabric, hem the bottom, fold over the top, pin it to the towel in a gathered ruffle, and sew. It was a little time consuming, but not hard at all. And the results are so whimsical and fun.



Kate cut out enough strips of fabric for about 10 more different towels, but we'll get to those next visit. For now, I'm excited to use my new (and really cheap) kitchen towels!

An early birthday celebration.

If Wednesday was one of my most difficult days in a long time, Thursday turned out to be one of my best. It began with a morning and afternoon with one of my best friends since Kindergarten, crafting and catching up for hours - a rare treat on a weekday during nursing school. She's a nurse, so she completely gets what I've been going through and loves me well through it. It was so refreshing.

In the evening, we headed to my parents' house to celebrate an early birthday (it's on Saturday). I had this gut feeling that a surprise was involved - I just read them too well, I think - but it totally threw me off when I arrived and it was just the four of us. We headed upstairs to see some new furniture, and when we came back down, two of my favorite people were staring in the windows near the front door. :)

A few more arrived and we shared the most delicious gluten-free dinner. Mom made a completely gluten-free meal of chicken alfredo, vegetable pasta, gluten-free garlic bread, and salad. It may have been the first completely gluten-free meal I've ever had outside of my own home, where I didn't have to avoid one thing. It was heavenly. We even had gluten-free cake from a bakery... a first for me!

Let me just say, I love the people in these photos. Every single one. The fact that they all made time to come celebrate me is such a privilege. Whitney even drove down from Bowling Green, Kentucky just for the evening which was such a sacrifice and made me feel so loved.

When we went to bed last night, I thanked Shawn for his part in putting this all together and whispered, "My heart is so full." It is, and it's such a good feeling to know you are loved by these amazing people. I am so, so blessed.

Groundhog Day.

Today on "Groundhog Day," we got to celebrate with our very own groundhog - the one that lives in the backyard. He's lived in that giant hole on the right since we moved in, but we haven't seen him for months. It's no coincidence he came out at such an appropriate time, right? :)

Let me just say... Puxsutawney Phil and Groundhog Day is one of the oddest traditions ever. Men in black wearing top hats lift up this poor groundhog in the air and thousands cheer. Then they read from a scroll, "Hear ye... hear ye..." and call this clueless groundhog "the prognosticator of all prognosticators" and then when he "proclaims" that "6 more weeks of winter there must be" they all boo. And he looks more confused than ever. What a weird, weird (and funny) tradition. You've got to watch the video here.

So did our groundhog see his shadow? I'm not really sure.
But he did look kind of confused, because if his Pennsylvania cousin really thinks there's going to be 6 more weeks of winter, that's really no problem for us. This winter has been the mildest I can remember - so hey, bring it on! Or maybe he looked confused because as he emerged from his burrow he didn't really get the pomp and circumstance he was expecting.

Toooo strange. :)

Dust.

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I'm at the end of what has been one of my roughest days as a nursing student. It was hard. So hard that I called Shawn at lunch to say, "I don't think I'm supposed to be a nurse." (I take it back now, don't worry.)

I'm working 12-hour shifts in a trauma unit this semester. It's a very high acuity unit and we get patients from all over the state who are basically experiencing the worst day of their entire lives. They were in car accidents (most of them), or had a terrible fall, or tried to kill themselves. No matter what the cause, it's a traumatic injury from which they may or may not recover.

And there I am in the middle of all of it, trying to deal with the devastation in a healthy way without just existing in a constant state of grief and despair.

This afternoon, I sat in a sterile conference room and watched the faces of a family as a doctor told them their daughter-in-law didn't make it and their son was seriously injured. I thought to myself, "This is not for me." My heart was in my throat and I felt on the verge of a panic attack because really... how do you not put yourself in their shoes? How do you not feel just an ounce of their pain?

There are nurses who can compartmentalize and "leave it at the hospital" and I'm just not there yet. I'm realizing that while my greatest strength is compassion, it also may be my greatest weakness. And it is the reason I will not be a trauma nurse (and you can quote me on that). :)

I've been meditating on Psalm 103 recently, my favorite psalm. The first part tells of how incredible our God is... all of his benefits. He forgives all our sins, heals all our diseases, redeems our life from the pit, and crowns us with love and compassion. It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?

And then there's this little verse tucked into the middle of the psalm:
"For he knows how we are formed; he remembers that we are dust."

Is there anything more fragile, more weak, more inconsequential than dust? As I looked around at bed after bed of fragile life today, I was reminded of how weak and fleeting life on earth is. I remembered how fragile I am, having such a hard time dealing with the tragedies around me. But then I remembered that He knows how we are formed... because he formed us! He knows how he made me to have more compassion in my heart than I can handle... because he gave that to me! And when I compare myself (the dust) to the strong and mighty God that I know him to be, I am comforted.
I am calmed.
I am helped.

Our little unexpected visitor.

This weekend has been a delight, especially because of some unexpected visitors we had.

On Saturday morning, I got a text from my dad asking if I could call him when I got a chance, but nothing urgent. When I called, he asked me if I might have one more spot open for sewing night, and when I said "sure," my sister (who lives in Ohio) got on the phone and said, "Can I come?" I. was. shocked. (My mom was shocked too... Dad and Kels had been scheming for a while about this surprise trip.)

So of course, she brought little Charis along and I couldn't help but take a million pictures of her. Because I love her. And because just when I thought she couldn't get any cuter, she showed up wearing overalls and a ponytail on top of her head.

And then just when she thought I couldn't get any cooler, I gave her a Ring Pop. She and that Ring Pop... buddies. Does that make me a good aunt or a bad aunt?

 

 

Oh, how I love her. I've become "that aunt" who can't help but plaster a million pictures of her niece all over the internet.

And I think my parents have become "those grandparents" who dote on every little thing she does.

She's got us all wrapped around her little finger.