The thought has not left my head today: "What am I doing?"
It's safe to say I'm doing lots of things. Today is jam packed with sewing up custom orders, studying for two upcoming exams, grocery shopping, and preparing our home for company.
But what am I really doing? Not just today - not just this week - but with my life?
As Annie Dillard wrote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
That brings tears to my eyes today... it could not be any more convicting.
I don't think I ever saw myself where I am now. Living in a cute little yellow house in my hometown. Spending way too much time reading blogs and updating Facebook. Catching up with friends over $4 cups of tea. Doing more DIY projects around the house than I can count. And really, there's nothing wrong about any of it. At all. In fact, I feel I'm able to enjoy so much beauty in my life and every ounce of beauty comes from God.
But I just have this sense that a lot of that is about to change.
To be honest, I don't even know what that means. It's just that God's still small whisper that moves my soul has moved me today to be ready for change.
I do know that I graduate from nursing school in 9 months.
I do know that the passion for missions and adoption that the Lord has instilled in Shawn and me has not waned.
I do know that we have no real roots much of anywhere - and we see that as a blessing. No major debt holding us down. No ill family members we need to stay to take care of. We are free. What a gift.
I know that God's heart beats for the poor - and right now in my life, I have so little contact with them. I know that this needs to change. Tithing and praying is good, but it still feels so distant.
I know that Shawn and I have not felt peace about any of our future options after nursing school, and we have a feeling God is just telling us to wait and see what He has planned.
So we will - we will wait on You, Lord.
And in the waiting, we'll try our very hardest to enjoy the lavish gifts you've given us here.