Yesterday.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


I woke up yesterday morning with a brilliant blogging idea (or so I thought).
It was going to be a quiet but productive day at home, working on homework, job applications, and sewing orders for Brighter Day, and I would capture pieces of it every hour or two with my camera.
What I didn't expect were the feelings that would come as I looked through these pictures at the end of the day.

I thought I'd see the beauty surrounding me.
I thought I'd be more thankful for the things I'm so blessed with.
And I did. Both of those things.

But more than that, I felt an overwhelming grief at how often I have taken this amazing place for granted. I've lived here for two years, and for most of that time, I've refused to be content. On so many days, being away from the city - the people, the diversity, the energy - felt so suffocating. I cried because I missed it so much, and I would have rather been anywhere but here. I complained about seeing goats and horses instead of people. I complained about driving 20+ minutes to get just about anywhere. I whined. A lot.

And even now, even as I write that, my eyes burn with tears.
How much have I missed?!

I told Shawn about my day when he got home (during that big time gap you see toward the end), and as soon as I did, I wept. Wept. I didn't know these feelings of remorse would be so powerful, but they came out at once and I couldn't contain it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today... a year from now, I won't live in this little yellow house on acres of beautiful land.
I won't wake up to this kind of beauty.
I won't cook meals looking out at running water and galloping horses.
I won't run barefoot through dewy grass to pick tomatoes out of my garden.
I won't call this place home.
It's ironic that Franklin has been home for these past two years - and for most of my life - and yet it's just now feeling like home in the last few days and weeks.

Maybe you're reading and thinking, "You're being way too hard on yourself." But as hard as I've tried to point out the things I adore about living here on this blog (and there are many things that I do), my heart has not been content for so long. And I want that to change. We may not live here for much longer, who knows. But I can live differently for however long it is. So however much longer I live in this house, you can bet I'm going to soak it up. Every drop. I didn't know these silly pictures could make me want to do that, but they did. They really, really did. And I am thankful for the conviction they caused.

16 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. Jesse and I were blessed to rent a beautiful little yellow house in a quiet, old neighborhood for the first 3 years of our marriage. It belonged to some friends of ours, and they let us do whatever we wanted with it. It was in need of lots of TLC, so we painted every room, refinished the beautiful wood floors, and created a beautiful garden. They had to sell the house last year, and I'm still mourning for it. I feel like I took it for granted. Now that we live in a tiny apartment (which costs twice as much as what our friends were graciously charging us for a three bedroom!) I realize how blessed we were. I wish I could go back and enjoy my little yellow kitchen with more cupboards than I knew what to do with, pick avocados from the backyard again, and enjoy more cozy nights with my husband in front of the fireplace. Those memories are dear to my heart, though, and I will never forget our wonderful years there.

    God is good. I've struggled with our move, but He has brought so many blessings out of it. A week after we moved here, some of our closest friends from church moved right up the street! And a month later, an old college pal moved across the street with his wife and their little girl. In our old home, we were 30+ minutes away from anyone we knew. But now, we have friends to fellowship with whenever we want.

    Cherish your time in your beautiful little home, and wait in joy and anticipation for your next adventure!

    ♥ Bethany

    www.happyhomemaker.me

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    1. Thanks, Bethany. I'm glad you can relate. :)

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  2. love your heart, whit. thanks for sharing honestly.

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  3. I love your house! It looks so serene and peaceful. That big red chair by the big window looks like the perfect place to put your feet up and read a book. Enjoy it while you are there!
    Amy

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    1. It IS the perfect place to read a book!!! Love that room. :)

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  4. you do live in a beautiful place! so different from the city, i'm sure… but all of those things you mentioned are such great gifts. it's so good to do an exercise like this to remember what we need to be thankful for.

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  5. I've related SO OFTEN to these sentiments. Contentment always seems to fall when I finally realize I won't be in a certain place/situation forever. I'm feeling the same way about our city dwelling right now.

    And I know this is kinda unrelated, but I just wanted to say that your projects are inspirational to me! I'm not a DYI person at all, but I've actually taken up some of your ideas. For instance, the chalk board: a while back I asked about it and -- lan'sakes, if I haven't actually gone and done it! I couldn't find a wooden picture frame I liked, but I found a nice metal one and painted the glass with chalkboard paint, just as you instructed. It's one of my favorite things now! I change up verses or quotes on it every once in a while and it always makes me smile. Only problem with it is that I didn't paint it very smoothly, so sometimes it's hard to write on. But I still love it. All that to say -- Thanks for including a picture of your earring-holder on this post! I've needed something like that for a long time, and whatdoyaknow but I actually have a roll of chicken wire that I needed to find something to do with. You might make a DYI-er out of me after all! :)

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  6. Whitney, you are really an inspiration. The way in which you view life, no matter how hard it is, is real and honest. Thank you for sharing with us all. And for the record, I do think your house is beautiful, and so cozy! I would love to live in a place like that some day. :) Where are you planning on moving next?

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    1. Thanks so much, sweet Claire! We're not sure where we will move next quite yet, but I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. :)

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  7. P.S. Oh, and you definitely need to write a photography post one of these days! I love your pictures! I'd love to know what lenses you use, what editing program you use (or if you edit at all!). :)

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  8. Wow. Woman, I don't know how you do it, but I'm tearing up again. Thank you. I needed to hear this. I hope to meet you in person someday--you inspire me every time I visit your blog and I have this nagging suspicion we could be "kindred spirits."

    I'm praying for you tonight!

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