Thursday, February 28, 2013
I went back to work for about a month and got to experience just what it would be like for the foreseeable future had I stayed. There was the 14 hours away from Liam, the trickiness of securing childcare on different days every week, the pumping breastmilk every three to four hours in a utility closet, the responding to Etsy convos on my phone during breaks, then sewing as soon as I got home. As much as I wanted to make it all work, it just didn't feel right. I was utterly exhausted and felt like I had about 3 full-time jobs, and none that I was doing well.
I feared both decisions - the decision to stay and the decision to go. I feared that the current setup wouldn't work for long, and that I'd live my life balled up in stress. I wasn't doing anything well, and that's not a good feeling. I also feared the prospect of being a stay-at-home mom, with long periods of just me and Liam at home, which I do not handle well. I also feared that if I didn't continue to work, I'd lose my nursing skills and job prospects for the future. I'd worked so hard for the past 2 years to become a nurse, and now I would just walk away? Needless to say, it was a tough decision and I went back and forth for weeks. I have so much respect for moms in all situations - working moms, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms. None of it is easy.
Ultimately, I had to make a decision. With Shawn's support, I gave my two weeks' notice. The profession of nursing will always be there. But Liam won't always be little - and I don't want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be the most incredible mom I can be for him, while working from home.
Another major component - and the real tie breaker in this decision - is Brighter Day. We did the math and figured that I could make just as much, if not more, through Brighter Day than working as a nurse, for which I am so thankful. And that sealed the deal. (I have so many of you to thank - your support over the past couple years has been unbelievable and is now allowing me to work full-time hours from home... incredible! Thank you!)
I was hesitant to write about this, mainly because I didn't immediately feel confident about my decision. But the Lord has been faithful to bring peace. And joy. Will I miss aspects of nursing? Absolutely. I worked for the greatest people in the sweetest community hospital out there. But I have no regrets, and I'm moving forward with this dream the Lord has given Shawn and me for our family and for Brighter Day. We have some big dreams this year in regards to Brighter Day's future (which I'll talk more about soon), and I couldn't be more excited. Thank you so much for your constant support and for coming along for the ride!