Tuesday, March 19, 2013
... Getting a BSN nursing degree in 16 months.
... Sitting perfectly still during active labor while a long needle was inserted into my back.
... Spending a summer in the Amazon, when I'd never even been camping before.
But growing a baby and a business at the same time? It is, beyond a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I'm on a very steep learning curve, learning more from my mistakes than anything. I'm thrilled for the opportunity to stay home with Liam and make a living at the same time, and I'm equally overwhelmed by it. I've tried doing it all at once - holding a drooling baby in one arm, and sewing or responding to emails with the other. It doesn't work. He gets fussy, I get fussy. It's not a pretty picture. As he's nearing 5 months old, he's getting a lot more active, and also more clingy to mommy. If I'm not holding him or interacting with him, he doesn't stay occupied for more than a few minutes (this is a new thing).
This isn't really a post asking for advice (though if you're a work-at-home mom who can relate, I'd love to hear it!). It's more just to let you know I don't have it all together. Not by a long shot. My blog and shop might look pretty, but the woman behind them is often a mess. Just last week, I didn't make one dinner, stayed up past 2am on three occasions, and wore a shirt soaked in spit-up about 90% of the time. I am impatient, prideful, broken.
At the same time, I know that for this season, this feels right. God is undeniably blessing our business, and He's blessed our family immensely with this precious little boy - and He chose for it to all happen at once. He's created a beautiful season for me in which I need Him every hour. And as messy as I am, He loves me. Adores me. Died for me! I'm redeemed, and I don't know about you, but I desperately need to be reminded of that good news every day.
PS - As I've said before, I think all types of moms have the toughest job in the world. Just because I'm not a stay-at-home mom who doesn't work or a working mom who isn't home with Liam doesn't mean I have it any harder than any of you... I am in awe of the strength of mothers out there! Seriously!