Your biggest fan.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

At our couples' shower in November 2008
A month before Shawn and I got married, my parents threw us a couples' shower that also happened to be a book shower. What a cool idea, right? Each couple gifted us with a book that meant something to them - from novels to marriage books to theology books to cookbooks to everything in between. And at the end of the night, my parents requested that each couple share some piece of marital advice for the soon-to-be-married couple.

Believe it or not, I remember almost every piece of advice that was given. I think I remember it so well because it came from people whose marriages I really respect and look up to. Marriages that have not only lasted, but thrived. That is so rare, as I'm sure I don't have to convince you.

One piece of advice really stuck out to me, and it hit me again today.

"Be your spouse's biggest fan."

To me, it means this...
Talking positively about Shawn to other people.
Encouraging Shawn in any way I can.
Treating Shawn like the treasure in my life that he is.

It's so easy for us to complain, and it's just as easy to start complaining about your husband... how he never helps around the house, how he watches TV when he's supposed to be watching the kids, and on and on and on. (Those things are not at all true of Shawn, especially since we don't even have kids.) :)

But here's the thing. As much as it may feel satisfying in the moment to complain or to cut down, I really believe it gives Satan a foothold in the marriage that he just should not have. In a world that does everything it possibly can to destroy a marriage, we have to do everything we possibly can to make it last,
to build each other up,
to point each other to Jesus,
to be each other's biggest fans.

So I know I'm still a novice at this marriage thing. But if someday I'm invited to someone's bridal shower and asked to give a piece of advice, it'll be just that.


  1. Wow, what an awesome encouraging post! I will be my hubby's biggest fan from now on...excellent advice!

  2. So true!
    Someone gave us similar advice, and we try daily to live it out. It truly builds one another up! 1 Thess. 5:11

    ♥ Bethany

  3. I was given the same advice and think of it often! Thanks for the reminder. it's always a thing to be working on.
    2 Thessalonians 3:5 May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perserverance.

  4. What you say to others about your husband-- this is SOO important. We (wives) are commanded to 'respect' your husbands! Telling others how your husband failed at something, irritated you, or anything not 'edifying' is disrespectful. It is not our place to tell others how your husband is 'failing'...
    I hear so many ladies talk 'down' their husbands and I feel sad for them (the husband and the wife)
    its our place to 'funnel' respect TO our husband. We know they are not perfect, but we don't need to announce it to everyone else.
    We should be their biggest fan. :D

  5. I think this is great. I'm marrying the love of my life in October, and I hope to always be his biggest fan. :)

  6. i feel like eph 5 really hammers this point (to me!). over the years we've been to several work parties for my husband's job and his coworkers are often trying to trip me up in how i speak of my husband. they also tell me that i'm too much of a newlywed to know any better. it's been almost 7 years (11 yrs including friend/courtship) and i'm still encouraging the man God chose for me and building him up in public. i have one person i allow myself to really talk out my grievances to, and that's Jesus. i am enjoying the road, but look forward to when we get to 25 years, and can look back at the maturity that choosing love and respect brings to our marriage.

  7. Whitney,
    I love the light and beauty you share on this blog. I feel the same way and made a promise to NOT be critical of my husband when we got married. I love to have a sweet reminder like this! What you said is absolutely TRUE! THere is such JOY in learning to love like that!

  8. This is the best advice ever. i think everyone needs a cheering section and your spouse it the best one.

    My mom gave me some similar advice when my husband and I got married. She also told me to compliment and acknowledge him on things that I would like him to do more often. Her example was taking out the trash... "Honey, thank you for seeing that the trash needed taken out even though you are busy and had a long day." You know... this kind words do more than any nagging ever could.


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