Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The other night, Shawn and I were hiking through a local park - one of our favorite things to do - and it hit me hard. These days of just the two of us are coming to a close.

Pregnancy hormones took over, memories flooded in, and tears filled my eyes. I felt so overwhelmed by sadness that "Shawn and Whitney" would not be so spontaneous anymore, just taking 2-mile hikes through the forest at the drop of a hat. And I felt guilty for not being happy that another person will be joining the party soon. I like it just like it is... I could do this for another 30 years.

Yes, I'm excited to add a little one to the mix. But having a baby was never something we needed to become a family. I would be so, so content with just me and Shawn for the rest of our lives. We never felt incomplete. It just kind of happened and a baby became part of our very near future.

The feelings come in waves - at times, I feel baby kicking and squirming inside of me and can't wait to hold him or her in my arms. And at other times, I feel much more detached and am so grateful we have a few more months to prepare. I know the moment baby arrives, we will both feel overwhelmed with a deep, abiding love that will replace the sadness I feel now. I'm sure you mothers out there who are reading this see a much fuller picture than I do.  And I'm sure I'll look back in a few months and think, "If I only knew how amazing it would be." For now, though, it's just a big adjustment.

The spontaneity, the quiet, the coffee dates, the sleeping in, the long walks. I couldn't be more thankful for the past 3 and a half years of just us.


  1. Thank you for this post, thank you for not sitting on that (annoying) pink cloud. If I sometimes explain to people that my husband and me don't feel incomplete without a baby, we often get shocked looks like we're horrible people. No we're not anti-kids or anti-baby, no we haven't decided yet to never ever have kids, we just feel happy as it is... I am glad to hear that you also feel that way, even if you're gonna have a baby soon.
    Enjoy your time!!

  2. But WAIT! It gets even better when you have the "empty nest". It is just that you have to wait 20+ more years. But you will get through it. And then grandkids - that is even better than your own. :)

  3. You hit the nail on the head! My husband and I will be married for 3 years in July, and I'm in no hurry to have kids because I love how things are with just the two of us. Sometimes people will hint that "it's time" for us to hurry up and have one already, but I just want to enjoy being married for a while longer. We're only 26, so there's still plenty of time. :-)

  4. I'm not preganant or a Mama yet- but I often think about these things. I always thought I would be pregnant right away- but we're about to celebrate Year 3 of Marriage and I'm feeling content.

    I think all of us who follow your blog regularly can agree, you two will be wonderful, wonderful Parents as soon as Baby arrives.
    Eat Cake

  5. We got pregnant 3 weeks after we got married, so I too was a bit sad that our "just the two of us" days would be short - but now, as my oldest baby is starting kindergarten this fall, I am SO glad God planned our life the way He planned with and that His timing was EXACTLY what it was. I look back fondly on the days when it was "just the three of us" so much because they were sweet moments. We lived far away from family, so we took our daughter with us everywhere - we DID go on two mile hikes and put her in the backpack, we DID take a 4 day road trip up the East Coast and she came right along, we DID have coffee dates, dinner dates, the sleeping in (we'd bring her to bed at 5am t nurse and cuddle until 7:45am every morning - sweetest moments of my life and I MISS them - all of it, we lived it up and it was so wonderful! Then we were ready to add another and later, another and its been the ride of our lives. I cannot imagine it any other way. All that to say, your thoughts are normal and common - but don't dwell on them. The best is yet to come, I promise.

  6. I felt the same way! Believe it or not, I actually fell apart and cried in Jesse arms right before we drove to the hospital to deliver Kayleigh. I didn't know how I could have enough room in my heart to love another person like I love my husband, and all of the sudden, I didn't feel ready to share him with someone else.

    All I can say is, I'm thankful for the 3.5 years we had as just "us." I wouldn't trade that time for anything! Our life now, although we would have been happy forever as just two-become-one, is so much sweeter with Kayleigh in it. She doesn't detract from "us"--she adds a beautiful flourish to who "we" are. And the issue of the room in my heart? It turns out that a baby doesn't take up some of the room in your heart reserved for loving your husband, your love doubles and overflows with God's goodness. The day you see Shawn holding little E, your heart will burst.

    Don't worry about missing out on spontaneity and fun :) Kayleigh comes everywhere with us, and we haven't let her change our minds about what we want to do! I'm confident that you two will have a sweet, easy-going baby who will be happy just to be along for the ride. Just keep a backpack in the car with all of the necessities and raise your little one to embrace the adventurous spirit of his/her parents!

    It takes some adjusting, but I promise, this new season of life will be just as sweet.

    ♥ Bethany

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  8. I am pregnant and due this summer. You couldn't have said what I am feeling any more clearer. The thought of losing our spontaneity and it being "just us" makes me cry often too. I trust that God will miraculously change my heart once our little man is born, but for now it is hard to imagine a third person being in our family. Thanks for your honest post. It speaks my heart perfectly.

  9. I second what Bethany said. I was so nervous and had no idea how much life would change and was scared. But thankfully we had a very chill baby who we added to our family of Joe and I and we just kept doing the same things with a sweet little girl in tow. It's true when you see you husband loving on this newborn and seeing his love deepen for him or her as they grow is the sweetest thing in the world. And she has made our love grow enormously. Our favorite thing at night is to go watch her sleep - we have done this every night for 15 months and it's just so precious to us. We also got creative with date nights in and made our patio nicer so we can enjoy sitting outside on nice evenings or in our porch since she goes down at 7.
    Just be encouraged - things changes in some ways, but for the better. And I'm positive you will feel the same when your little one comes :)

  10. I have no ability to weigh in on the actual content of the post (other than to say that I will definitely be more open to waiting a while to have kids after I'm married, since I've always said I want them pretty soon after, because "just us" time does sound pretty great), but I would just like to say that that first photo is one of most beautiful wedding (?) photos I've ever seen. You are stunning.

  11. I can remember thinking the exact same thing! There were many tears and feelings of fear that Ray and I would never be "us" again. Nearly 5 months in I can say that things do change! BUT, we find ourselves looking at one another often saying, "what in the world did we ever do without her?" You'll find a flow and a new rhythm and baby E will become another part of you - you didn't even know was there. You're doing so well, Whitney!

  12. Oh Whitney... I so understand. I was married and fine with the idea of just being the two of us. I wasn't sure about being a mom. I thought I would have been fine never having a child - and our marriage would have been fine. We planned on fostering, later in life. Helping others in times of need, sharing our hearts, but still just being us two. Then I became pregnant. We had been married years. There were moments when I was so scared I broke out in sweats... but it is amazing. This mom thing, the family thing. Seeing the person you love most on earth be a daddy. We are having #2 in a few weeks and I am so blessed and amazed at how our family of two will soon be four. You will be blown away - I promise.

  13. We went on our "babymoon" these last 3 days & I think I cried every time I thought of the fact that the two of us are about to become 3. So you are not alone girlie. Cannot wait for Eliana to get here- but I was a hot mess thinking last night was our last night away as just T &'ll be so different. But as I was bawling T kept reminding me it's going to be so much better- and he's so right!

  14. It is a huge adjustment. I'm not gonna lie. But the first few months those babies are so portable you can still go on impromptu hikes! Revel in it. And if you haven't, make yourself a baby sling. I suggest the Moby wrap. You can make one yourself easy peasy. :)

  15. I love your honesty. I was someone who was very eager to have a baby, and counted down the days during pregnancy with my daughter (3 1/2 years into my wonderful marriage). It wasn't until after she was born that I had some grief-stricken moments (which usually coincided with sleep deprivation) when I mourned the loss of just me and my husband. But those emotions were short-lived, and as you anticipate, they dissolve in the realization of how amazing it is to become parents together. Now, almost 5 years and another baby (a boy this time- now 2 years old!) later, we can't imagine our family without all four of us! I will recommend date nights and little getaways for just the two of you when baby's a little older--these are essential for us! Our church has a young marrieds ministry that holds a retreat once a year to get away and focus on your marriage for the weekend. Investing in your marriage makes you better parents!


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